Chapter9, Cut all the loose ends off!

This was a crazy time, terminating employment, getting school records, securing tickets, argh I'm glad its over. So here I sit in present day America! The land of milk and honey, where most people are lactose intolerant and allergic to bees; the land of the free-ks! Just kidding, I know many amazing Americans, most of whom think I lived in grass huts and kept a fire going to ward off lions! Yes, I love you all anyways, even if you think my accent is cool.

I packed my life up and moved across the Atlantic for so many, many reasons but primarily for love. It is an amazing feeling to find the genuine article, indescribable, you just... know. You really are willing to move the world to be with the person and the most awesome part is they would do the same for you. Once you have put aside your insecurities, once that person shows you that truly you are most important to me for so many more reasons than personal pleasure. I want you, I choose you, I choose you to grow old with, to experience life with, to clean up disgusting messes with, to find out sad news with, to support through excruciatingly emotional times, and then, then to enjoy every happiness life has to offer with you. That is what makes being away from my homeland worth every heartache.

As my children get older and start experiencing life and all the ups and downs that get thrown their way, I envision their futures and try to imagine mine. The stones we lay in the foundations of childhood will carry them to a place of love. Yes I suppose I am feeling quite deep today, but do know it is not a bullshit deep, just a genuine kind of deep as an after effect of a weekend of great friendship and love. And of course a few bottles of wine!

Chapter7, Our leap of faith

I'm not sure why, but for the life of me I cannot remember leaving Cape Town, the day I left is a blur, I remember landing in London and spending a glorious day with my wonderful niece and my lifelong friend. I remember leaving London, and flying across the Atlantic and landing in Seattle International, and I even remember every detail of going through customs, praying that my internet man would be waiting for me whence I came out...but leaving Cape Town escapes me. It was clearly not the first step of my journey that was important to me!

I had a backup plan! After all the convincing I had to do to myself and family and friends, there was still the great "What if?" What if I got all the way to Seattle and it was all a big joke, a hoax, a lie a sick fantasy gone wrong! I would be left stranded with my two little ones in a very unfamiliar country. The butterflies in my stomach we more like ostriches trying their worse to flutter! If my worse nightmare came true, I told myself that I would simply hop the plane back to London and spend five weeks with my niece and the rest of our extended family there, and put my pride in my pocket and go home slightly wounded and more experienced in this wild thing we call life.

I was among the last passengers to disembark, its easier that way travelling with kids. We went through Customs they checked EVERY piece of luggage inside and out! Anyone who has ever travelled knows the nervous feeling of coming out into "public view" and searching for that familiar face.... Where is he? Bearing in mind I had only ever seen this man's photo... Is that him? and once a brief video clip of Awful quality... Tell me thats NOT him! Scanning a mental image of him and trying to match it up...... Oh sweet Jesus!

He came over and we were both so nervous for a full 30 seconds! hugs and kisses for kids and I and then off to pack the car. I do not travel light. Needless to say the 2 door mustang was an issue. but after much shoving, pushing and re-arranging we finally got everything and everyone IN!

The next few weeks we were tourists and he the most hospitable guide! The kids were wonderful travellers and the jetlag soon wore off. We had a magical White Christmas and did not want to leave. He proposed as soon as he could, what was I to do,he had an amazing family, a great job, a stable and secure man who is also sexy and sensitive (and not gay!) Of course I said yes! And then surprise I'm pregnant!!!! At least my kids have great age gaps.

We stayed up till crazy hours discussing our game plan, I had to go home resign my job, pack up the kids and my stuff (from a house I lived in 27years) and move to USA in less than 5months! ( I did my research, not safe flying after 6months) I could hear the lectures already! Oh the scandal! My guy was shocked too as this late in his life he did not dream he would become a real daddy. It all seems so surreal now thinking back, but so exciting too! He was so excited, called his mom and sounded like a kid on Christmas! "we're getting married, we're having a baby! Yes, she's gonna move here!"

I left Seattle, feeling like a part of me would shatter if I didnt return very soon to be with him again, I wish he could meet my family, but there just wasnt time now. It would be less complicated to have our baby be born in America as a citizen and then do paperwork just for 2 kids and I. Time, time, time why do you always elude me? I wish I could explain to my children how to enjoy their childhood slowly, enjoy life's pace, enjoy the seemingly petty arguments and disagreements of their youth! For me that all changed at 16 and life went from cruising to circiut racing: "And they're off!"