Chapter 6: The Internet Affair

My phone had somehow become an extention of my arm, most viewed it as an addiction, but truth be told, it was (and still is) my security blanket. See a smart phone is a wonderful thing when you feel alone in the world. With a simple click you are connected to the entire planets database of people who feel the same as you, or worse. People desperate to find love, happiness and mostly just a friend. In South Africa and I guess in many countries, people are so scared to face the reality of a real person, they feel much safer chatting to a guy on the internet than chatting to a random guy on the street, even though the guy on the internet could be a lesbian, posing as a guy to get close to girls or a lil old lady with strange fantasies. Its a risk chatters take, as it feels like a safer risk than meeting a real life person and discovering they are not perfect, just like you. Many people also see the internet as an evil invasion of privacy, a platform where people can scam you and infiltrate your bank details, take over your life and even make it so that you do not exist! well people, yes I guess that happens, it can happen to you, so proceed with caution.
So the sites I haunted were varied. I tried every free site I heard of, the dating sites I steered clear of because most of them either asked you to pay a subscription fee or a once off payment. While others just looked creepy to me. I'm sorry but the: "Hi, my name is (insert random name here), I love you, will you marry me?" just wasn't what I was looking for, I wanted independence and to be a strong, powerful woman, whom men wanted, but would never get! I wanted to Hurt their species like I had been hurt. Many times I'd be chatting in a group and men would ask for contact details and I would get great joy out of rejecting them. There were also the sex chatters on all sites, you know the type, alias names like " HARD4U" or "thicnjuici" They enter a room and most are ignored as they type things like "holler 123, for a hard time with me" Horrors, when they are suficiently ignored the smart ones just leave while the majority of them will harrass you with IM's (instant messages) or PM's (private messages) Mostly I would try chatting some sense into them, "dude, do your neurological processes prohibit you from using courteous conversation to engage one in meaningful communication? " And they'd be scared off, or we'd laugh and get chatting, I met some real nice people that way, we discussed politics and science and the purposes of life, which ended up being far more pleasurable for both parties as opposed to what they were looking for.

So the site of my preference was losing numbers and so I was told about a new chatsite, more developed
more fun options, so I gave it a go! My favorite feature of this site was it had a trivia room, and I could access it from my cellphone! After a few weeks on this site i had come the following conclusions: Internet marriages were weird, and Americans were weirder! This site was dodgy, the characters shady! Mostly an all American site, but others here and there. So I sat in the trivia room like a library nerd and just answered the questions that were spat into the room by the automated site, you had a bit of time to answer the question before the system told you the answer. no points just pride. Another plus in this chat was that the sex chatters generally stayed out of the Triva room. Until one night. It was late, and after 3 guys one after the other came in harrassing me, I had no energy or pluck to combat them with smart words, I figured the next guy that comes in I'm gonna harass HIM!!! Damn men!

Shortly a male user enters, before he can get a word out, I ask him one of the common phrases guys usually askes invovling asking if you have horns. The gentleman that he is he ignores my suggestion and engages me in meaningful conversation using his neurological processes to emit conversation that was pleasurable as well as intense. Finally a man who is not just seeking a woman as prey, but can converse with intellegence and integrity. We chatted for 24hours straight longer some days, breaking occassionally when he had to work, it was school holidays for me. We caught each other online waiting for the other. We were so caught up enjoying each others company that the basic details of ASL were over looked. (Age, Sex, Location)

So one afternoon we are chatting as usual and this girl starts messaging me, saying he is a liar he is a dirty old man. She says he is 44. I was shocked but I wasn't about to let some little teenager spoil my friendship. I graciously told her that age is of no importance to me, as we had never discussed it. Her bubble burst, she left us. His profile displayed his age as 35, he looked 28,maybe 30. I was 26, 44 was the age of my eldest sibling. We discussed it for awhile and decided that age was not as issue, it did feel weird, but after chatting so long he was already melting my very frozen heart slowly. But that did not change the fact that America and South Africa were very, very far away from each other.

He is a great dreamer and explorer, a knight in shining armour to a woman who was so wounded. he was interested in my children and me and me and me and... me! lol He spoke of whisking me away and giving me a good life, a family all the things I wanted, and i wanted desperately to believe him. But, come on, this is the internet! I went along with his dreams and mine, no harm in pretending. The imagination is an amazing escape. I priced plane tickets and we spoke of being together some day soon! Somehow the he crept completely into my real life, which at first frightened me greatly but then strengthened me. We decided to take the plunge, we were going to meet!

Hiss friends and collegues gave him a hard time, saying bringing a woman over from Africa would only lead to being scammed, saying I was only after his money! (still looking for it btw lol) My friends and family were worried, what if he lived in a trailer with six kids and was an abuser? or worse!  I was called an irresponsible mother! My parents wanted him to come meet them first. I had my reasons for wanting to come to the USA before he went to South Africa.

South Africa, Cape Town, Kalk Bay. That was what my children knew. That was where they knew their father. I was not only taking them on a holiday to the USA, I was taking them to meet someone so important to me, someone I believe will be a great asset to our family, our family that was missing a paternal partner. I wanted my kids to get to know him on American soil so that they would see him as a new member of our family and not a replacement.

We discussed the possibilities from every possible angle, what could happen and the pro's and cons were even. We decide to split the cost of the airfare. He wired money to my account and that day was a milestone for us both. He risked me being a scammer and running off with his money and I gained his trust by his gesture. After 11months of chatting and very high phone bills on his side, we were finally going to meet.